Is It Considered Rude to Not Visit Family During Major Holidays When Living Far Apart?

Not all families always visit during major holidays, even when they can afford the travel. This decision is often influenced by numerous practical considerations.

The Impact of Scheduling and School Obligations

When children are involved, the complexity of family dynamics and school schedules can play a significant role. For instance, during my upbringing, our school district only provided a one-day holiday break for Thanksgiving, and the following day was always a regular school day. Adding to the challenge, many schools did not offer a holiday on the Wednesday preceding Thanksgiving. This made it incredibly difficult to make a family trip.

There were limited options. We could have skipped the final day of school on Wednesday, possibly facing disciplinary actions or negative annotations on our permanent records. Another option was to leave school right after the Wednesday classes and drive all night. Both options were unfeasible and not without risks. Alternatively, we could have traveled on Thanksgiving Day. However, airlines and transportation services were often not an option until the evening or early morning the following day, which would disrupt the family's need for a full day to gather and celebrate together.

Given these factors, it was often better for our immediate family to stay home, especially in years when there was no Wednesday off. This decision allowed for a richer family experience without the stress and strain of a lengthy travel journey.

Factors Influencing Holiday Travel Decisions

When evaluating why families might not visit during major holidays, several factors come into play:

Weather Conditions

Bad weather, particularly during winter, poses a significant challenge. Driving in winter storms can be perilous, and flights can be canceled or significantly delayed.

Age and Health

Elderly family members can face difficulties traveling, especially during winter months. Parents with young children can find it challenging to manage a long-distance trip. Long travel can be exhausting even under ideal circumstances, and those with health issues, such as frailty, limited mobility, or those taking medications, may find it especially challenging.

Emotional Factors

Fear related to travel, such as heavy traffic, crowded airports, or seasonal depression, can also prevent families from making the trip.

Before labeling someone's decision as rude or selfish, it's important to consider these various factors. Logistical challenges, as well as emotional concerns, affect the ability to travel.

Personal Perspectives on Holiday Traditions

Not all families stick to the same holiday traditions. For example, I am quite close with my sister-in-law (SIL) and brother-in-law, but we do not celebrate Thanksgiving or Christmas together. This does not mean I consider them rude or selfish. It’s just a matter of personal and family preferences and obligations. In contrast, my brother-in-law who lives closer does stop by for a quick meal on Thanksgiving but rarely for extended periods.

This is largely due to historical circumstances. Initially, we lived approximately 17 hours away, and before that, we lived overseas. Thus, it wasn’t feasible for us to spend holidays together. Over time, we established our own unique holiday traditions, which we appreciate. We make time to visit each other at other times of the year. Additionally, the quality of winter roads can vary, and staying home can sometimes be the better option to ensure a safe and enjoyable celebration.

Ultimately, the choice not to travel during major holidays can be influenced by various practical and emotional considerations. Each family has its own set of circumstances that guide this decision, and understanding these complexities can help us avoid hasty judgments.