The Worst Alcohol and Cocktails I’ve Ever Had

Traveling the world offers a plethora of experiences, both enriching and sometimes, well, less than pleasant. I've had a few unfortunate encounters with alcoholic beverages that, if truth be told, left a lasting impression far beyond what I would consider enjoyable. Let’s explore some of these memorable misadventures.

Can It Really Be Worse Than Moonshine?

The moonshine sold in mason jars at gas stations in rural North Carolina holds the honor of being my least favorite alcoholic drink. Born and raised in North Carolina, I was familiar with the local tastes and did not take to this potent brew. The taste is an acquired one, and despite its ubiquity, it never grew on me. The spirit’s harsh, almost medicinal qualities make it a unique experience, but not a particularly pleasant one.

A Margarita Twisted

The worst cocktail I’ve had was certainly on Hamilton Island, Australia. It was a margarita made with table salt dusted on the rim. To add to the misfortune, the bartender decided to use lemon instead of limes, thinking it would be a good substitute. While it wouldn’t be my first choice, the real issue lay in the questionable origin of the tequila and triple sec. Despite the shortcomings, the drink was a cautionary tale to stick with what the locals know and what they have on hand.

Southwark Beer in Adelaide, 1995

In 1995, while working with colleagues in Perth, Australia, they mentioned the infamous Southwark beer in Adelaide. They talked about the "hard water" used, which made the beer notoriously bad. Determined to taste it for myself, I traveled to Adelaide for the 1995 Grand Prix. As I sauntered up to the bar and ordered a Southwark, the barmaid dropped a bombshell. "Are you from here?" she asked. When I admitted that I was just visiting, she said, "I’ll get you something else!"

Even though Southwark was on tap, she felt it was her duty to protect me. Her instincts were spot-on. The beer tasted like a mixture of dirty dishwater and old socks. It was a surreal experience, especially since I was used to knowing what to expect from a beer at the bar. This story serves as a reminder to be cautious and not to push the boundaries too far in new and unfamiliar environments.

Petrus: From Bold to Bewildering

One of the most memorable mix-ups I had with a cocktail came courtesy of a digestif named Petrus. In this case, it wasn't the expensive and famous red wine but a similarly named herbal concoction similar to Fernet Branca or Averna. This confusion is a common pitfall among non-locals. My Italian colleague, dubbed as a "general all-rounder bastard" in my memories, asked for the top shelf and then offered me a taste of Petrus. Having drunk Averna previously and liking it, I hesitantly accepted, knowing it would probably be potent and slightly bitter like other herbal liqueurs.

However, what I tasted was far from what I was expecting. It was a concoction that tasted like a blend of dry cleaning fluid, nail polish remover, ashtray residue, hookah pipe residue, and an amalgamation of these elements filtered through tramps' underpants before being reduced to a slightly viscous texture with silica gel. This drink was so unpleasant that I threw up multiple times—four times, to be precise—before I could continue drinking. It was easily the least pleasant thing I've had in my mouth, and the experience stuck with me long after I finished.

These tales serve as reminders of the importance of doing your homework before venturing into unfamiliar territories, especially when it comes to trying local specialties. It's always better to ask locals for recommendations and stick to those, ensuring a more pleasant and memorable experience. And yes, learning from my past experiences, I now have a more discerning palate when it comes to local specialties.